How do you see through people's BS?

 

How do you see through people's BS?

1 November 2024|Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Insights, Pattern Recognition, Question a Day, Relationships, Trust

Question a Day

How to See Through People’s BS: A Guide to Spotting Lies and Manipulation

In today’s world, whether online or in person, we’re constantly interacting with people who may not always be genuine. From casual acquaintances to professional colleagues, knowing how to spot someone who is not being truthful or transparent can protect you from manipulation, misinformation, or just plain annoyance. Here’s a guide on how to see through people's BS effectively, using psychology, communication skills, and keen observation.

1. Understand Common Signs of Deception

• Inconsistent Stories: One of the easiest ways to spot dishonesty is when a person’s story changes over time. If someone frequently alters details, especially under slight pressure or when questioned, it could be a sign they’re making things up.
• Overly Complex Explanations: People who lie often add unnecessary details to make their stories sound more believable. They think more information equals more credibility, but in reality, it can signal they’re overcompensating.
• Defensiveness: When someone gets defensive quickly, even over minor questions, they might be hiding something. This defensiveness can be a protective reflex to cover up their dishonesty.

2. Watch for Body Language Cues

• Avoiding Eye Contact or Excessive Blinking: While not a foolproof sign, avoiding eye contact or blinking more than usual can sometimes indicate discomfort or deceit.
• Inconsistent Gestures: Look for mismatched gestures and expressions. For example, nodding while saying "no" or shrugging while expressing certainty. This inconsistency can be a sign of forced emotions or nervousness.
• Micro-Expressions: These are tiny, involuntary facial expressions that reveal a person’s true feelings. They’re hard to spot, but you might catch a brief flash of anger, fear, or contempt before they regain composure.

3. Listen to Their Choice of Words

• Evasive Language: If someone is being vague or skirting around a direct answer, it can be a red flag. They might use phrases like “I guess” or “kind of” when they’re uncertain or lying.
• Too Many Qualifiers: Words like “honestly,” “to be frank,” or “believe me” are often used to reinforce sincerity. But ironically, they can indicate the opposite, as if the speaker is trying too hard to be convincing.
• Shifting Blame or Using Passive Voice: When someone is lying or hiding something, they often use passive voice or blame-shifting language to avoid direct responsibility. Phrases like "Mistakes were made" instead of "I made a mistake" can be telling.

4. Ask Probing Questions

• Use Open-Ended Questions: Instead of yes-or-no questions, ask questions that require a detailed response. This can help you gauge whether their story holds up under scrutiny.
• Ask the Same Question in Different Ways: When you rephrase a question, it requires the person to think about their answer rather than just repeat it. If they’re lying, they’re more likely to stumble or contradict themselves.
• Watch for Over- or Under-Explaining: Honest people usually give straightforward answers, while someone hiding the truth might either give way too much information or be overly brief to avoid slipping up.

5. Trust Your Gut, But Back It Up with Evidence

• Instincts Matter: If something feels off, it probably is. While gut feelings shouldn’t be the only evidence, they can be a good starting point for examining whether someone is being honest.
• Look for Patterns: If someone consistently shows signs of dishonesty across different situations, it's a strong indicator that they’re not genuine.
• Verify Facts Where Possible: If it’s appropriate, try to cross-check what they’re saying. This is especially useful in professional contexts or when someone’s claims seem too good to be true.

6. Understand the Psychology of Deception

• Know Why People Lie: People lie for various reasons—fear, guilt, a desire to impress, or even just for fun. Understanding the motivations behind lying can help you assess the situation more accurately.
• Empathy and BS Detection: Surprisingly, empathy can be a powerful tool in detecting lies. By trying to understand the other person’s perspective, you may notice inconsistencies between their words and emotions.

7. Remain Objective and Don’t Confront Aggressively

• Avoid Jumping to Conclusions: If you confront someone aggressively without evidence, it can backfire. They might become defensive or even gaslight you, making you doubt your perception.
• Stay Calm and Observe: If you suspect someone is lying, it’s often more effective to keep calm, gather information, and let them dig their own hole rather than calling them out immediately.

8. Protect Your Own Boundaries

• Know When to Walk Away: Some people are chronic liars or manipulators, and no amount of calling them out will change that. If someone’s behavior consistently shows dishonesty, it’s usually best to distance yourself.
• Prioritize Your Well-Being: If someone’s lies are affecting your mental health or personal life, it’s okay to set boundaries or end the relationship altogether.

Conclusion

Being able to see through people’s BS is a valuable skill that can help you navigate both personal and professional interactions. By understanding the signs of deception, paying attention to body language, and asking the right questions, you can improve your ability to spot dishonesty. However, it’s essential to balance skepticism with empathy, as not everyone who acts suspiciously is necessarily lying.

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